Shedding Skins and Meandering Along

Reflections on the evolution of my creative practice and navigating the forest of platforms

This piece of writing was mostly written on the notes app on my phone, with a baby sleeping in my arms.

I am glad that I was able to disconnect from social media and newsletters for quite a while and just focus on that first time with the baby, but now I am noticing a longing to start connecting more with these spaces again.

The same way that the little baby that once just slept in my arms is now lying on their stomach and kicking about, seemingly burning with an urge to go explore (they’re not crawling quite yet but clearly wish they were), I am noticing a restlessness in my fingertips.

While my current situation places some restrictions on how much time I can dedicate to these writings, I also want to show appreciation for exactly this situation, in the way that these moments of being “stuck” with a baby at my breast actually provide moments of contemplation that I’m not able to take when I’m more able to move. I believe it is thanks to these moments that I have had space to observe the thoughts swirling in my head and can now see them starting to land into the shape of this newsletter. So, in this piece of writing, I’m sharing some of the reflections around my creative practice that came up during these last few months.

Starting this newsletter on the Substack platform in 2023 signified a big shift in the way that I expressed creatively.

Up until that point, I had mainly just occasionally shared some photos and illustrations. I had attempted a start of a fine artist career with an exhibition in 2022 (while on parental leave with my firstborn) but that experience only left me with the nagging feeling that I was somewhat barking up the wrong tree. Or just trying to make art in a way that was not what I actually wanted or needed.

I realized that I wanted to create space for my written stories. And my words tend to flow out in a longer format than social media allows. So, because of its focus on long-form content, Substack felt like a good place to share my writings. (If youre curious, you can read my very first post, Step into the Unknown, where I discuss this choice in more detail.)

Over these last few years, this platform, me, and my creative practice have all evolved in our own ways.

In addition to my writings, I started experimenting with inserting voiceovers of my writings, and I believe it's actually thanks to those early voiceovers that I even got into podcasting, and stepped back into making music. In hearing/ feeling my voice in those voiceovers I was reminded how much I love working with sound.

There was something magical happening as I floated on the soundwaves, and I am looking forward to the time wheh I can get back to that. But I also see that this current phase is more suitable for sharing writings (I can write them as I walk with a stroller!) and I am equally excited to reconnect with my love for the strange magic that happens with just words on a page.

Over the last years, my creative practice has blossomed out into new forms that I hadn't even considered when I started Mysterious Musings. And for a while, the written word had been in the backseat. And that’s fine, that’s part of the organic evolution I wanted this space to have. It’s most fun for me when I treat it as my playful experiment, a space where I can explore different types of storytelling and different media.

And in addition to different media, I want to start sharing more dimensions of my craft, particularly my more “mystical” sides.

Here’s a “mystical” fact about me you might not know: I enjoy tarot and have started picking cards (almost) daily with my baby.

I also think it might be meaningful to use this space as a way to help me reflect on what I’m doing, a bit like a workbook or process diary. Or to gather an overview of my disparate activities, like a monthly digest. I find that this kind of recap/review is a piece that goes missing if I’m only focusing on sharing quick posts on social media sites.

But all of these things will need to happen in their own time.

This year, while I’m on parental leave, I set myself the challenge of first and foremost respecting my body's rhythms. The ebb and flow of life. Which means that I also try to let myself get immersed in activity when that feels right. But some days I feel like I’m just meandering.

This slower, meandering pace has proven beneficial for both my mental health and my creative practice. It has enabled me to observe and reflect on my behaviors in ways where previously most of those things would have just passed me by, because I went too fast to notice.

It has helped me to respect where I’m at, instead of trying to jump to the next stage. And for a while now, I feel that I’ve been in a process of decomposing. Adding stuff to the compost pile. Things that no longer seem to serve me, or that I just don’t have the energy to do.

Those of you who happened to read some posts back in spring of 2024 might remember me mentioning that I started a Patreon.

Well, just a month after I started that Patreon, I found out I was pregnant, and thus, my plans for that Patreon fell flat (morning sickness was no joke this time around).

That's the irony of life, I guess. We had been hoping for another baby since the autumn and been disappointed many times when my period came. So, I finally gave up on the idea around New Year’s and started dedicating my energy to my creative projects, including starting that Patreon. And exactly when I felt I started to get into a nice flow with my creations, the little one decided it was time to enter the scene. Surprise!

But the way that these things often turn out to be as if scripted by a higher power has shown me this sequence of events was actually a blessing in disguise.

Speaking of disguises, I've come to understand that I'm a creator who will test out different shapes until something fits, and then I can stay with that for a while and make it my own. But that path is scattered with discarded outfits the same way a snake sheds its skins as it grows.

Synchronistically saw a snake chilling in the sun as I was writing this post.

And the Patreon I started was one of these disguises/ skins. At least this time around.

I tried it out, and realized, there's nothing I actually need on that platform that I can't already do here on Substack, through these newsletters.

Looking back, I can see how the creation of that Patreon was a manifestation of my desire to open up the door towards sharing more sides of my creative practice. Sometimes the mind fools itself into thinking that a new platform will make it easier to share new sides.

And sometimes that may be true.

Other times, it might just be that it's easier to start experimenting with new stuff on a new platform where there are less people observing the experiments, because, what if i’m going to fail??????!

But I'm not as scared of "failing" anymore.

And for me, more platforms don't necessarily mean I'll be sharing more of my creations, because more platforms can get quite overwhelming.

And when I get too overwhelmed I can't do anything at all.

As a result, with that Patreon I mostly just became confused about what to share where and ended up doubling my efforts. Meaning, I spent more time thinking about how to share my creations than actually creating.

I believe this happens more than we'd hope. Now that creators have so many tools and platforms available to share and connect it can feel a bit like opening a Pandora's box, when the promise of more opportunities instead turns into more obstacles in the form of more hoops to jump through before your creation can actually be released into the world.

You could just release stuff, however you feel like (and that is the hopeful little butterfly among all those obstacles). But it can be challenging to resist being swept into the wave of suggestions about how to best please algorithms and strategize your marketing or whatever the talk is these days.

During this parental leave, I have become more aware of a need to be more intentional with how I use my energy.

There have been days when the only time I had "for myself" was on stroller walks, while the baby was sleeping, sometimes an hour, but oftentimes only 20-30 minutes.

20 minutes is enough time to appreciate the magnificence of a tree.

I asked myself, if half an hour a day is the only time I have for my creative work, how would I change the way I create and share those creations? How could I make the most of my time?

I realized that I need to focus, instead of wearing myself thin.

And I realized that the thing that feels most draining to me is the step of choosing how to share my creations. The creating itself is something that fuels me.

So, in order to simplify the process of sharing, I deleted my separate Instagram accounts (I had four different accounts. Four!) to focus my energy on just the one personal account.

And I started contemplating the main intention behind this newsletter. What kind of a space do I want it to be? What do I want to share through this platform? What is the core essence of this newsletter?

I came to the conclusion that the core essence of this newsletter is my stories. And while the media I use has evolved to include music and podcasts in addition to writings, at the heart they are all stories.

And while Substack has also gone through some changes, I still believe that this is a good platform for sharing stories.

So, I feel like I'm in the right place, at least for the time being. I can't control how this platform might change, only whether I'll use it or not.

For now, I feel like it makes most sense to nurture the one stream that is already flowing instead of carving out new canals by force.

This is my attempt at making my way through the confusing forest of all those different platforms. Just focus on the lighthouse that's already shining there in the distance. And for me, that lighthouse is mainly represented by this newsletter, with some lanterns along the way.

Thank you so much for reading my newsletter.

I'm looking forward to sharing my next collections of stories with you, though the pace may be slower this year as I'm on parental leave.

These are the days when my creations mainly take form as strange Lego constructions. But I've grown a bit more patient and am glad I'm able to enjoy this phase of life too. And I actually really enjoy building with Lego blocks (at least, when me and the great three year old architect can agree on what we’re building.)

It might not be aerodynamic, and people are sitting on the wings, but strangely enough, it can still fly.

But, in addition to the amazing Lego constructions, I do have a few stories waiting for the moment when I can sit down to release them. It has taken me weeks just to get enough of those tiny moments (mostly during stroller walks and breastfeeding) to gather these words (and thoughts) into one place.

So let's give some time to the next few stories I have planned...in a way, this slow pace feels like a useful feature: these are stories that have been gestating over time, like a slow-cooked meal.

They are a part of this process I’m in, learning this respect the rhythms of my body and of life. I believe living on the countryside has helped me with this. And this is probably one of the reasons why I felt drawn to move here for this phase. (If you’re curious about the move and my views on the idea of home, you can read more in No Place Like Home that I wrote a few months after moving here).

I hope that reading about the twists and turns of my creative choices can serve as an inspiration, or just as an example against which you can contemplate your own intentions and choices.

And I hope you can also take a moment to listen to what pace your body wants to move in.

Let those other little insects buzz around. Just focus on watching that one beautiful butterfly that inspires you to do things the way that's right for you.

Butterflies are great teachers for the Art of Meandering Along. Just watch them.

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