Hi Minnamari .. I listened to your song. The sound is beautiful .. but I don't understand the Finnish words. I read your story and fully acknowledge that I do not completely understand your inner struggles .. except to say that it seems like some of your pain from violence is describing "rape". I can say that I understand on an emotional level what that might feel like.
Several years ago .. my father was approaching 90 .. living with my wife and me .. and I took him back to the home place .. a 40 acre farm in Oklahoma. As we approached the house .. the back door was standing open .. with a dry muddy boot-print greeting our arrival. Inside the house .. nearly every kitchen and hallway cabinet door was open and things that had been in order .. were now in a big mess on the floor. Every room was like this! I called the police .. they came and looked for prints or anything that could make sense of this. It was devastating to my father especially .. and of course I felt it as well. It's one thing to be raped .. it's another to also be brutally vandalized!
"How EMOTIONALLY involved do you want to be?"
I am the oldest of six kids .. 3 boys/3 girls. My father (born in 1919), his father, and grandfather were all firstborn .. and seemed to focus upon "thought / reason" as a way to approach and understand life. EMOTION-al reaction was seen as a weakness. Yet, here we are .. a father, mother, and six kids .. all immersed in an ocean of emotion! LAW was the rule of life .. EMOTION was suppressed.
I could always "cry" easily .. and as an artist loved to draw/paint the beauty of a girl's face. Drawing "beauty" the opposite of "ugly" .. both loaded with "emotion" .. but I have always felt that I would enjoy understanding the "emotional" side of my life better. "Understanding" to me is like walking into a room where everything is neat and tidy .. in it's place. "Confusion" is like a room full of clutter. I didn't know where to put my "emotional" bits, pieces, .. volumes! To draw/paint beautiful things .. was a way to make order out of chaos .. a way to portray balance, contrast, shades, perspective .. everything in it's place. It all requires time and energy.
"How EMOTIONALLY involved do you want to be?" .. is a key question we should all ask ourselves. People can be together in a family, town, city, or nation .. for "reasons" .. but to be together "emotionally" requires a different category of energy .. because it involves forgiveness.
Forgiving someone (ourselves included) is like a parent who loves their newborn child enough to change their diaper, to overlook their stinky ways, peculiar flaws, deepening wrinkles .. while at the same time giving space for inspiration to sprout and flourish.
When we are "emotionally connected" .. then whatever happens to you .. happens to me too!
Today .. I cannot view the world .. without grieving over disasters of flood, fire, winds, war, and innocent life taken. RAPE is a 4 letter word .. that sometimes doesn't address the brutal vandalism splattered like ugly graffiti upon a sacred edifice, a home, or a relation's ship.
Thank you for sharing. Different experiences all carry their own emotional weight, and of course it is also subjective how it is experienced. It is true that the vandalization of a home is another intense type of violation. You lift up an important reminder with the value of forgiveness. I find it is an interesting process/balancing act to allow yourself to feel your feelings (even anger, grief, resentment) while also moving towards the acceptance and forgiveness that I believe is a goal worth reaching. I've noticed I do need to process those emotions first, whatever way it comes, usually through music or writing or creating in some way. I hope you are able to do the same, whether through painting, as you mention, or some other way. Wishing you all the best on your journey and may you find a way to float/swim in those oceans in a way that feels true to you. <3
Hi Minnamari .. I listened to your song. The sound is beautiful .. but I don't understand the Finnish words. I read your story and fully acknowledge that I do not completely understand your inner struggles .. except to say that it seems like some of your pain from violence is describing "rape". I can say that I understand on an emotional level what that might feel like.
Several years ago .. my father was approaching 90 .. living with my wife and me .. and I took him back to the home place .. a 40 acre farm in Oklahoma. As we approached the house .. the back door was standing open .. with a dry muddy boot-print greeting our arrival. Inside the house .. nearly every kitchen and hallway cabinet door was open and things that had been in order .. were now in a big mess on the floor. Every room was like this! I called the police .. they came and looked for prints or anything that could make sense of this. It was devastating to my father especially .. and of course I felt it as well. It's one thing to be raped .. it's another to also be brutally vandalized!
"How EMOTIONALLY involved do you want to be?"
I am the oldest of six kids .. 3 boys/3 girls. My father (born in 1919), his father, and grandfather were all firstborn .. and seemed to focus upon "thought / reason" as a way to approach and understand life. EMOTION-al reaction was seen as a weakness. Yet, here we are .. a father, mother, and six kids .. all immersed in an ocean of emotion! LAW was the rule of life .. EMOTION was suppressed.
I could always "cry" easily .. and as an artist loved to draw/paint the beauty of a girl's face. Drawing "beauty" the opposite of "ugly" .. both loaded with "emotion" .. but I have always felt that I would enjoy understanding the "emotional" side of my life better. "Understanding" to me is like walking into a room where everything is neat and tidy .. in it's place. "Confusion" is like a room full of clutter. I didn't know where to put my "emotional" bits, pieces, .. volumes! To draw/paint beautiful things .. was a way to make order out of chaos .. a way to portray balance, contrast, shades, perspective .. everything in it's place. It all requires time and energy.
"How EMOTIONALLY involved do you want to be?" .. is a key question we should all ask ourselves. People can be together in a family, town, city, or nation .. for "reasons" .. but to be together "emotionally" requires a different category of energy .. because it involves forgiveness.
Forgiving someone (ourselves included) is like a parent who loves their newborn child enough to change their diaper, to overlook their stinky ways, peculiar flaws, deepening wrinkles .. while at the same time giving space for inspiration to sprout and flourish.
When we are "emotionally connected" .. then whatever happens to you .. happens to me too!
Today .. I cannot view the world .. without grieving over disasters of flood, fire, winds, war, and innocent life taken. RAPE is a 4 letter word .. that sometimes doesn't address the brutal vandalism splattered like ugly graffiti upon a sacred edifice, a home, or a relation's ship.
When it's been dry .. we love the rain.
When it's been wet .. we count the gain.
It's an ocean .. of emotion.
Thank you for sharing. Different experiences all carry their own emotional weight, and of course it is also subjective how it is experienced. It is true that the vandalization of a home is another intense type of violation. You lift up an important reminder with the value of forgiveness. I find it is an interesting process/balancing act to allow yourself to feel your feelings (even anger, grief, resentment) while also moving towards the acceptance and forgiveness that I believe is a goal worth reaching. I've noticed I do need to process those emotions first, whatever way it comes, usually through music or writing or creating in some way. I hope you are able to do the same, whether through painting, as you mention, or some other way. Wishing you all the best on your journey and may you find a way to float/swim in those oceans in a way that feels true to you. <3
Sweet reply. <3
The fabric might be torn .. but soon on the mend. :-)